At Least We Learned Nothing

a follow up, of sorts, to this story

So! Tiresias, at that point a young dude with perfectly good eyes, was walking through the woods on his way to some place or other. And your man comes across two snakes doing the snakenasty in the road, and he’s all groooooss so he hits ’em with his stick. And wham bam thank you ma’am he turns into a woman. Which is surprising! But the snakes are dead and sometimes dudes just cold turn into women unexpectedly and Tiresias is TOTES CHILL so he rolls with it. And anyway she goes off and lives her life for the next ten years, all ladying it up and down Ancient Greece for a while, doing her thing.

Then it’s maybe ten years later and she’s walking through another forest on the way to some other dang place and she sees snakes doin’ it again. And Tiresias, she’s still all grossed out by snakes, (and maybe holds a li’l grudge?) so she hits ’em real good with her stick again. And whim bim thank you jim she’s a dude again and she’s all whaaaaaaat. But, y’know, she had a dick and a beard before, she figures she can probably get used to having them again so off she goes, chill as ever.

Round about this time Zeus and his wife Hera are having another goddamn argument about sex bullshit, this time about who enjoys sex more, men or women.

“Women, totally,” said Zeus, because he’s a super gross PUA. “Women love it when I’m fuckin’ ’em. Love it down to the ground.”

And Hera’s all, “I think mayyyyyyybe you’re getting more out of it than your stupid girlfriends are. Girlfriends, victims, w/e, eat a dick.”

They go back and forth on it until one of ’em (never mind who) has the bright idea to ask Tiresias on account of he’s been both. So they go bend his ear for a while about whether sex is better for women than men or the other way around and your man is ON IT.

“Oh, women, definitely,” he says, eyes a little sad as he’s thinking about all the rad ladysex he won’t be having anymore.

Zeus is all “HA HA FUCK YOU” to Hera because he’s a giant asshole and she’s all “why am I stuck with this phenomenal turd,” so she blinds Tiresias because Hera is, let’s be real, not the best at processing her emotions and because Zeus is STILL gloating. Then Zeus is all, aw, no, not my bro, I’m sorry Tiresias, here have some prophecy, we’re cool right? And they take off back to Olympus.

Tiresias is pretty annoyed, what with not being able to get mad at snakes and turn back into a lady, which he knows FOR SURE now, thanks Zeus. But he’s still a chill guy, so off he goes to live his blind life the best he can, burdened with potent knowledge of What Will Be and What Won’t Ever Be, Sorry, which is at best a double edged sword but that’s the gods for you.